Can you grow out of shyness

As well as showing signs of shyness or a reluctance to socialise, a child with autism may also show other signs. Take your first steps in getting past shyness with these 13 techniques to help you become a more confident you.

Some people want to feel less shy so they can have more fun socializing and being themselves around others…. Here are some tips for overcoming shy feelings:Start small with people you know.

Shyness and introversion are commonly mistaken as being the same thing. In a study that refutes gender stereotypes, researchers looking at couples in long-term relationships have found that men value cuddling and caressing as important for their relationship happiness more than women do. In fact, psychologists have consistently found that both men and women rate humility as one of the most desirable traits in a partner.

Shyness is partly a result of genes a person has inherited. Contrary to popular belief, thin female figures were neither perceived most attractive nor assigned many desirable personality traits, except youthfulness. Though several types of medications are available, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors SSRIs are often the first type of drug tried for persistent symptoms of social anxiety.

Your doctor may prescribe paroxetine Paxil or sertraline Zoloft. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Here are four possibilities: You have a weak self-image. This happens when we evaluate ourselves and that voice in our heads is negative.

It's tough to stop listening to it, but at the end of the day it's your voice and you can tell it what to say. Whether or not you think you look good, someone did, and that's why they told you so. You wouldn't call them a liar would you?

Lift your chin, say "thank you" and accept it. Don't try to tell the person who paid you a compliment that they're wrong. You are preoccupied with how you come off. This happens when we focus too much on ourselves. Because we spend all day monitoring our actions and making sure we don't mess up, we assume everyone else is too.

We'll talk about turning the focus on others if this sounds like you. You are labeled as shy by others. Sometimes, when we're little, we're shy. Unfortunately, people latch onto that and treat us as such, even when our personalities grow out of it.

It's possible that others have lumped you into this category and you're trying to accommodate them. The good news? You only have to accommodate yourself. They're all ways of thinking and thinking is the one thing you have control over. Accept your shyness. One of the first steps to overcome your shyness is try to accept your shyness and be comfortable with it. The more you will resist it unconsciously or consciously, longer it will prevail.

If you are shy then accept it and embrace it totally. One way it could be done is by saying to yourself repeatedly 'Yes I am shy and I accept it'. Figure out your triggers. Do you become shy in front of new audiences?

When learning a new skill? When venturing into a new situation? When surrounded by people you know and admire? When you don't know anyone somewhere? Try to pinpoint the thoughts that go through your head right before the shyness hits. Odds are not all situations make you shy. You're okay being around your family, right? How are they that different than the strangers around you? They're not -- you just know them better and what's more, they know you. It's not you, it's just the situations you're in.

Make a list of situations that make you feel anxious. Order them so that those things that cause you the least anxiety are first and those that cause you the most anxiety are last. When you put things in concrete terms, it feels like a task you can tackle and tackle successfully. Go to source Make them as concrete as possible.

Talking in front of those who have more authority than you do? Talking to those you find attractive? The more specific you are, the easier it will be to identify the situation and work through it. Conquer the list. Once you have a list of stressful situations, start working through them, one-by-one after you read the article, of course. The first few "easier" situations will help build your confidence so that you can continue moving to more difficult situations on your list.

Don't worry if you have to go backwards on the list sometimes; take it at your own pace, but make an effort to push yourself. Part 2. Use this shyness as a Cue.

Whatever inside you that triggers shyness is because we perceive it as a trigger for shyness. Its like computer programming when in a 'program' gets a certain type interrupt it behaves in the same way how we have programmed it to handle interrupts.

Similarly our mind can be programmed too. In a way, we were programmed since our childhood, to react to certain stimuli like stay away from strangers, heights, dangerous animals etc.

We often react automatically, reacting in a way which comes naturally to us by default and this reaction could be flawed. For example: when people see a lizard some see an ugly reptile, while others would perceive a beautiful pet. This difference comes from their memories and experiences or lack of experience with the stimuli lizard. In the same way, when shy people see people stimuli your natural response is shyness. The truth is that you can change this response by re-programming your mind.

Some ways this could be done by Questioning yourself and checking the validity of your reasons. For example, its essential that you practice speaking in public to really overcome the problem of shyness.

Try to see this shyness as a cue to push yourself hard and to do the opposite of what you have been doing when you feel shy. When you feel shy in public, you probably leave for a quiet place because this has been your default reaction for so long.

But this time when you feel shy, push yourself and do the opposite; i. Yes, you will feel extremely uncomfortable but again see these emotions as a trigger to push yourself even harder. The greater the magnitude of these negative emotions, the harder they will motivate you to push yourself.

After trying this for several times you will realize that these negative feelings and emotions were actually your good friends because they motivated you to push yourself even harder.

Place your attention on others. That's why it's important to focus on others, placing our mental attention elsewhere. When we stop focusing on ourselves, we stop being able to be worried how we come off. The easiest way to do this is to concentrate on compassion. Remembering that everyone is fighting some sort of battle -- big or small big to them!

If that doesn't work, imagine a thinking pattern like you imagine other people have. If you're worried about how you look, you're assuming everyone else is outwardly focused hint: they're actually not. Thinking patterns are contagious; once you start, you won't be able to stop. Visualize success. Close your eyes and visualize a situation where you might be shy.

Now, in your mind's eye, think about being confident. Do this often, and for different situations. This is most effective if you do this daily, especially in the morning. It might feel silly, but athletes use visualization to develop their skills, so why not you?

Involve all your senses to make it feel the most real. Think about being happy and comfortable. What do you sound like? What are you doing? That way when the time comes, you'll be prepared. Practice good posture. Standing tall gives the world the impression that you are self-confident and receptive to others. Often we are treated the way we feel -- so if you feel open and approachable, your body will emulate that feeling. Body over matter! Research says that good posture head held high, shoulders back, and open arms makes us feel authoritative, confident, and -- to top it off -- reduces stress.

Practice speaking clearly to yourself. This will help avoid the potential embarrassment of needing to repeat what you said due to mumbling or talking too quietly. You gotta get used to hearing your own voice! Loving it, even. Record yourself pretending to have conversations. Sounds ridiculous, sure, but you'll notice patterns, when and why you drop off, times when you assume you're speaking loudly but you're really not, etc.

At the beginning you'll feel like an actor and do things actors do to get in the moment , but it will become an old habit. Practice makes habits, you know! Don't compare yourself to others. The more you compare yourself to others, the more you will feel that you are not able to measure up and the more intimidated you will feel, which will make you shyer.

There is no use to compare yourself to anybody else -- but if you do, do it realistically. Everyone else is overwrought with self-assurance problems, too! If you have some super confident and extroverted friends or family members, ask them about this topic.

They'll probably say something, "Oh, yeah, I totally make it a conscious thing to put myself out there" or "I used to be terrible. I really had to work at it.

Think about how gosh darn great you are. Everyone has some special gift or trait to offer to the world. It may sound corny, but it's true. Think about what you know, what you can do, and what you have accomplished, rather than fixating on how you look, sound, or dress. Keep in mind that everyone, even the "beautiful people," has something about themselves or their life that they don't like. There's no particular reason why your "problem" should make you shy while their "problem" doesn't make them shy.

When you concentrate on this, you'll realize you have plenty to offer any group or situation. Your resources and skills are needed to improve any issue, conversation, or circumstance. Knowing this, you'll feel more inclined to speak up.

Identify your social value and strengths. Just because you're not the alpha in the room, have the most booming voice, or get the party started doesn't mean you lack social strengths. Are you a great listener? Do you have an eye for detail? It's possible it's something that's not even occurred to you, so sit back for a second. Are you better at observing than most of those around you? Your strengths can give you an advantage. If you're a great listener, you'll probably be able to see when someone has a problem and needs to vent a little.

In this circumstance, they are the one that needs you. There's nothing threatening about that situation. So ask them what's up! You noticed they're steaming at the ears a little bit -- can you lend an ear of yours? In every social group, all the roles need to be filled. You have a place even if you don't see it.

None is better than any other -- know that your value, whatever it may be, completes the group dynamic. Don't get caught up in labels.

For the record, popular people aren't happy. Reserved is something different. Tall men with jutting jaws. Prime Ministers can be reserved, but never shy.

And quiet implies choice; you could be loud but you prefer not to, instead perhaps watching purposefully, critically from the sidelines. Strong, silent types are quiet. People like Tom. Restrained carries itself with dignity; with an implication of control. Even introvert has a whiff of clinical authority about it.

Myers and Briggs have awarded these people an impressive three-syllable label. A word for children, not grown-ups, because surely grown-ups grow out of shyness. Pretended for a moment that I was a psychologist like my mother. Asked everyone else how they were feeling, probably found out that I was not the only guest with a burning desire to melt through the floorboards.

Apparently the correct term for this thing is social anxiety, a term that has been leached of the redeeming sweetness of ye olde worlde shyness. A socially anxious person, on the other hand, is best avoided. Anxiety can be contagious, leaping from person to person like static electricity. The adrenaline, the sweating, the rapid breathing, all preparing your body to run.

Ensuring your hands will shake but your legs will move faster when you need to take off. Back home after the birthday party I gave myself, as always, a very hard time. What on earth was there to be afraid of? Why was I still dealing with this irrational response to company of strangers?

How would I explain my sudden disappearance to the birthday girl, and to Tom? Alcohol had often helped, I remembered. But this time I was on the wagon in preparation for a singing recital - hence the mineral water. Waiting alone in bed for Tom to return, my self-flagellation changed shape. I was in my 40s now. Too old to be sideswiped by these ridiculous fears. Too stubborn to let myself avoid situations that might provoke them.